The Lighter Side of the Campus Safety Blotter

Golf cart heist, masturbation in quiet places – where’s the light side of all this?

By Becky Snider, Blotter Reporter

Editor’s Note: This weekly piece highlights some of the more inane calls and incidents to which campus safety responds.

Well, here we go again. Speaking of again–golf carts. Yes, you heard right; more mishaps with the golf carts on campus. This time someone decided it would be a good idea to push the golf cart used by Conference Services down into the embankment near the Garden Apartments.
Luckily the “unauthorized use” of the golf cart was stopped by a chain link fence or Campus Safety would have stumbled upon one heck of a mess. The chain link fence prevented the golf cart from careening into a crane.
Come on people, don’t you have better things to do than push defenseless golf carts down embankments at 1 a.m.? You’ve moved far from the typical fire extinguisher fun.
Fire seemed to be a common theme on campus for the month of October. The term “malicious burning” should raise a few questions about what people do to keep themselves entertained.
On October 12, Campus Safety reported finding a plastic bottle with what appeared to have “flammable liquid” inside of it. According to a DoCs official, it had the odor of a flammable substance with a wooden stick coming out of it. It might have been a “molotov cocktail,” though it is hard to tell if it was intentional or not.
You have to love the creativity though. There were the ever common false alarms due to cooking in campus housing. Ah, you got to love those false fire alarms. At least this one occurred just after 1 p.m. instead of 1 a.m.
The alcohol consumption level that was missing on campus seemed to return full force this month. Figures right? Midterms are over. Multiple policy violations were reported on the night of October 8.
Apparently several men were reported for unauthorized entry of a dorm, drunk and disorderly conduct, violation of quiet hours, and underage possession of alcohol. The men seemed to be on a search or hunt for something. Hey, I guess that’s just the thing to do after you’ve downed a couple of beers.
Perhaps this recent increase in alcohol consumption on campus is to blame for unwanted kisses (Whiteford Hall, Oct. 17 report) and vehicle damage by what appears to be a key (Gym parking lot, Oct. 22). Though I suppose there are better things to do with your time, like masturbating in a computer lab (Hoover Library, Oct. 17).
According to the campus blotter, a student who does not attend McDaniel, was removed from campus after he was discovered masturbating in a computer lab. He was not arrested; charges for lewd and indecent conduct are pending. Campus Safety couldn’t charge him with indecent exposure since he had the decency of at least reaching down his pants.
Creepy or what? There are locks on doors for a reason people; no one wants to see that!
On a final note, another missing student ordeal worked its way into the system again. This time, however, the student was discovered at home with their parents. Yes, because students that go home are somehow automatically termed “missing” by worried roommates and vigilant officials. I guess it should now be assumed that if students leave campus for more than an hour or two, they are indeed “missing.”
All in all, the campus is certainly no longer missing an abundance of alcohol related incidents.The campus is as fiery as ever and well, we just can’t seem to stop getting involved with golf carts.

Typically, I file my Lighter Side column the Friday before editors put the paper together for publication. For this issue we all agreed to wait a little longer to see if there was more fodder from the blotter. It was worth the wait.
Homecoming highlights include many vehicle and alcohol related incidents, according DoCs reports. One student drove at reckless speeds in the parking lot near the old tennis courts, and then failed to comply when stopped by officers. In the ANW parking lot, officers followed a student who almost plowed into a marked patrol car. Better get Geico.
That student was intoxicated and ultimately arrested by Westminster City Police. A different student was taken to the health center after drinking too much and three students partying with three non-student recruits were cited for alcohol violations. Trying to make up for last month’s dry spell?
Patrol car tires were slashed near North Village — and, again, you wonder why insurance rates are so high. And there you have Homecoming highlights. Worth the wait?