Lighter side of the Campus Safety Blotter

Jen Noel
Staff Reporter

(Editor’s Note: This column by Jen Noel is dedicated to some of the most inane calls to which Campus Safety officers respond ? or should respond. Incidents actually occurred, but the names of the culprits are not included to protect the not-so-innocent).

Let’s take a trip down memory lane to Driver’s Education Class. Day One lesson went something like this: stop signs mean stop, a green light means go, and one way means, well, one way.

On August 26, at around 5 p.m., a student forgot how to read street signs and was seen driving the wrong way down a one way street. Hey, sometimes you have to march to the beat of your own drum and be a real maverick.

As the semester shifts into high gear, so too does the multitude of mavericks making decisions that make them worthy of a spot in the coveted Lighter Side.

Take for example the culprit or culprits who hoped that their encounter with a stone wall near North Village would remain undetected. Somewhere between August 9 and 11, a student did not quite erase his or her steps behind them.

According to incident report, it was apparent that a vehicle smashed into the wall, but before leaving the student (or students) tried to place the crumbled rocks back together.

Apparently, the hit and runner(s) didn’t bring gorilla glue along for a lasting hold and also thought they would go unnoticed parking their car a few hundred yards from the site of the accident.

I bet the smashed bumper and rocks lodged in the taillight made this one a really difficult find for the boys in Campus Safety.

It is pretty apparent there are no five-star chefs in training here on the hill as it is a regular occurrence for cooking gone awry to sound fire alarms in every corner of campus. However, the Rouzer boys have the secret.

The brand new residents to campus managed to keep out of the log this round. But not entirely; it was confirmed that Ramen noodles were shoved into a toilet in the dormitory and then flushed. Noodles and toilets usually do not mix so the floodwaters began to rise.

The cooks in GLAR better watch out, we have some people on campus that know how to stir up some real down home cooking.

The goal of the year should be originality and diversity just like our Liberal Arts education. So get creative, get crazy ? and know that your odd behavior will probably not escape the Lighter Side.