Warmer weather brings spring fever to the Blotter
Jen Noel
Staff Reporter
Ah, spring is in the air. Flowers are blossoming, the weather is warmer, the days are longer, and many of us are naturally hearing the call of the great outdoors. It’s the time of year to get up and go?shake off winter and get some fresh air. The campus blotter was filled with student responding to “the call” this week.
The popular clich? “when nature calls” has taken on a whole new meaning for students on the Hill. Campus Safety has had their hands full with students who think nature is a public restroom.
On March 8, a student was caught urinating in public. Instead of admitting that he or she couldn’t make it up the flight of stairs in DMC to the bathroom, the culprit took off at an excessive speed in their vehicle. Way to sneak away, I’m sure burning out of the parking lot didn’t call any attention to yourself.
On the same night, a student was caught in the act of using the exterior wall of Harlow Pool as a jiffy-john. Perhaps the dormitories bathrooms are closed on Sundays or maybe the pending full moon had something to do with this primitive instinct.
A report to Campus Safety has also confirmed that the poo bandit is still on the loose. Two cases of fecal matter being found in a location other than a toilet should have students watching carefull where they are about to step.
On March 13, poop was discovered in a pencil cup in Academic Hall. I think you can imagine this one for yourselves; it needs no commentary.
“Number 2” was also found outside a door in McDaniel Hall on March 25. I am curious what the thrill of pooing in public is; I thought bathroom protocol was learned somewhere around the age of two. Health Services should consider placing a box of free Pampers in the office.
There are also some budding artists on campus, as reports of academic halls being ransacked with toilet paper and furniture and walls being used as a canvas for profane drawings filled the blotter.
On March 10, graffiti was spotted on furniture in a common area of Lewis Hall. Lewis was the site of more vandalism on March 15. Some students must have a real issue with the scientific side of campus. These artists discovered their calling just in time for Admitted Students’ weekend?I am sure the youngsters enjoyed the obscene sketches around campus.
There couldn’t be an installment of the Lighter Side without writing about the boys in Rouzer. They are known for letting their male testosterone make their decisions, but it seems that they have started to try to organize the chaos.
On March 10, Campus Safety responded to a call about a boxing match in a common area of the freshmen boys’ dorm.
“We have a perfectly good wrestling room with padded walls,” commented Webster. “I’m not sure why the boys don’t just go there?it must be about convenience.”
The change in seasons has sparked a frenzy on campus just as I predicted. I am no oracle but with Spring Break behind us and the end of the semester on the horizon, I advise Campus Safety to call in for some backup.