Lighter Side of the Campus Safety Blotter

Mike Habegger April 24, 2009 No Comments

Spring Sparks are Flying, from Fender Benders to Fire Mishaps

Jen Noel
Staff Reporter

The calm before the storm. The old adage must be the explanation for the lack of activity in the blotter this week. Campus Safety must be loving the down time, relaxing, just strolling through campus. One thing the blotter does show this time is that students just can’t seem to learn their lessons.

Several incidents reported in the blotter dealt with underage possession of alcohol. On April 4, a student was seen outside Rouzer with an open container. Its one thing to hide the fact you are drinking and aren’t 21, but a stroke of brilliance must be the only explanation for standing outside and drinking from a bright, red solo cup. That’s not obvious in the least bit.

Another trend this week was a string of vehicle related accidents spread across campus. From the water tower to the stadium lot students were driving into parked cars left and right. I guess sometimes when you hit a car, you hope you can sneak away because the damage really isn’t that noticeable.

However, on April 14, it was reported that a student struck mirrors with another car and fled the scene. I am confident that when getting into their car, the owner noticed their rearview mirror hanging on by a thread.
Even I fell victim to a careless driver who put a noticeable dent in the front of my car and then took off. I kept my unfortunate incident from the pages of the blotter, because the reporter never wants to be the one reported on.

With the warm weather also comes grilling season. Students must have forgotten, however, when food burns there is smoke and smokes sends the smoke detectors blazing.

Campus Safety noted six separate occurrences of fire alarms being triggered in residences by cooking related smoke. In the past few weeks students must have been dining on burnt toast and Cajun style chicken. I don’t think that’s the way Martha Stewart intended.

On April 7, Campus Safety responded to a mulch fire outside a residence. Either a students’ grilling quickly turned into a bonfire or the group just wanted to perform a home rendition of Myth Busters, but no matter what the cause all of us missed a good chance to roast some marshmallows.

A final entry this week for the Lighter Side is more like a plea than a report. The perpetrator I have deemed the “phallic fanatic” is still on the loose. On April 12, a student reported a floor in ANW residence hall was vandalized. An unnamed source told me that the vandal in fact drew a several pictures of the male anatomy on the walls of the dormitory floor.

I cannot confirm that this wanna-be artist is the same person that left their trade mark drawing throughout Hill Hall, but I am asking you please, if you want to express yourself get a sketchbook. None of us want to witness your renditions anymore.

The next issue of the Free Press will feature my final installment of the Lighter Side. I can only imagine what the upcoming weeks will have in store.

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