I really don’t care that no one ever asks me out, but, still, no one ever asks me out. Why am I always alone on weekends or with friends? Why is it so hard to find a relationship?
Quite honestly, with my parents being divorced for so long, I am not sure that I even believe in marriage as an institution, so this does not bother me too much. If marriage does not last and makes people miserable, what is the point of even trying? From all of the people I see around me getting drunk at parties and slobbering all over other people I thought that the college campus would generally agree with me that people are just not interested in dating and marriage. Then I did my homework.
It sounds weird and corny, but my homework assignment did in fact make me interested in relationships and marriage, specifically, what is going on at McDaniel. So here’s the rundown of what I read that was so darn interesting. Pretty much to sum it up what I was reading was talking about college life and hooking up. It said, to my surprise, that people actually generally want marriage. This article argues that it is a major life goal for most people. After saying this, the article also noted that hooking up was becoming very popular on college campuses.
Why, I wonder, is hooking up so popular if all of these people at college, (unlike myself), believe in the institution of marriage and desire it one day in the future? In my mind hooking up does not seem conducive to building a strong relationship. So I decided to ask around and see what people’s motivations are, and how they view this ‘hooking up’ experience. Since we are all fairly young, I did not want to push the whole marriage thing, but I asked students how they feel about hooking up versus relationships, and why they think the atmosphere here on campus is the way it is.
I managed to ask seven people about relationships on campus. I asked some people in relationships and some single people to comment on the hook up versus relationship culture on campus. Most people generally agreed that hook ups were not something to be taken seriously.
One senior said “hook ups are spontaneous” and another noted that they are “fun in the moment, but just physical with no emotional component.”
Everyone I asked had a ‘no strings attached’ view of hooking up, meaning they were not something that would lead to relationships, and their view of relationships were that they are more serious and involve a commitment.
One English major I talked to feels that “dating means no intention of talking to any person but that one in a romantic way.” I talked to another English major who said they believe “dating means when you are emotionally and physically intimate with another person.” I was curious, having seen both hook ups and relationships according to these standards on campus, which is more popular?
According to students, both are popular. One junior commented that they hear more about hook ups, but believe both exist. Almost everyone I spoke with agreed that it “doesn’t favor either or,” it is “50/50’, and some want they think is the ‘college experience’ and hook up while others want relationships.”
One thing everyone noted, though, was that “it’s no fun to go to a party if you aren’t looking for a hook up,” and one senior said “there’s an assumption people hook up at parties.”
No one I talked to think that hook ups are healthy. One junior boy put it well when he said, “there’s no communication, it’s just bad for one’s emotional health, and it can be devastating.”
So, if hook ups aren’t healthy, why are they happening? The article I read talks about the frequency of hook ups even when people want relationships, and that seems to be happening here at McDaniel as well. Some of the single people said they are more tempted to hook up the longer they went without a relationship, as they felt lonely. Others felt it was part of the college party experience. My question is, why the lack of relationships and frequency of hook ups? Is it necessary to promote this ‘college means hook ups’ idea?
Apparently, according to the article I read, having too much sex makes you depressed, while doing other physical things is more enjoyable. I would personally love to snuggle up on a couch with someone and watch a movie, especially if it’s going to make me happier. People want marriage, and hook ups do not seem to generally lead there. Let’s try dating!? Maybe people are happy without the whole dating thing, but scientifically at least, I bet some snuggling would do everyone some good.