The Lighter Side of Campus Safety

Congratulations, McDaniel students! We had a week with a significantly lower incident report. Could it have anything to do with the fact that 65% of the population left for Fall Break? Probably.

I hope you all locked your doors before leaving this weekend, folks, because those who did remain on The Hill sure got themselves into some doo-doo. McDaniel Hall was hit hard with larceny (which is just a fancy word for people stealing things) and vandalism (which is… well, you already know what vandalism is). Not really sure why people would be stealing things. Maybe someone ran out of socks? Perhaps someone in McDaniel Hall had this really cool coffee mug or FIFA 14 or something and someone else really wanted it. As for the vandalism, I guess somebody missed that poster sale a few weeks ago. Or maybe someone just thinks that writing the word “fart” with a big, purple Sharpie is just the funniest thing in the world. That’s not actually the specific act of vandalism that went down, but there’s no denying that it would be hilarious.

People also went out and performed illegal acts of larceny on the golf course, which to me is particularly amusing because what is there to steal out there? Honestly? I know people that collect acorns could have a field day out there, but that isn’t illegal. Stray golf balls? Also not breaking any rules. What could one possibly go out to steal from the golf course that would make his life any better?

As always we had a report of paraphernalia and drug possession. Does anyone else always confuse the word “paraphernalia” with the word “memorabilia?” Every time I hear about drug paraphernalia I think of, like… a t-shirt with a pot leaf on it or a Willy Nelson hat, but then I’m like… oh, wait. Yeah.

Okay this one’s good. So apparently someone busted open a vending machine in Hill Hall and jacked all of the snacks inside. Hide your Bugles and all of your TastyKakes, people! No one’s food is safe! But smashing the glass of a vending machine? How is that a more rational approach to curbing one’s late-night appetite? The Pub and the Green N’ Go have tons of snacks and they’re only a little bit expensive (okay, they’re pretty expensive). Campus Safety officers also don’t know who did this, so if you happen to see a shady character walking around with one bloody hand…

Full disclosure, as I met with Mike Webster to go over this week’s incident report, and he offered me a cup of coffee. Which I graciously accepted, of course. And I hadn’t eaten anything yet so the caffeine went right to my head and then I was all hyper and jittery so that most likely affected my writing.

Here’s to another week of what will probably be full of Homecoming-inspired naughty incidents. Keep it real, McDaniel College.

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