Sex on the Hill: X-Rated Education

As a woman, I’ve always thought of porn as a more masculine pastime—post-pubescent boys cleaning out the Internet history before mom and dad get home, college males making use of the time the roommates are in class.

But it’s becoming more common that women are seeking out pornography as well.

Hooray for sexual liberation and equality!
I have never really watched porn other than jokingly with friends, and the botched boob job in Jade Princess pretty much turned me off completely.

But wait: although roughly 70% of women have looked at pornography at least once, and roughly 70% of men look at it at least once a month, the statistics that stagger are not about adults.

According to Family Safe Media the average age that an adolescent starts looking at porn is 11, and 90% of 8-16 year olds have seen it. The numbers are staggering, but when you consider that 11,000 pornography movies are made each year, it seems inevitable that any Internet user would stumble across it.

So what happens when society becomes bombarded with naked pop-ups and those misspelled websites? What happens when Sleeping Beauty becomes Sleeping Booty? What happens when people grow up seeing X-rated movies and pictures and start substituting digital sex for real intimacy?

So I did my research. After all, I couldn’t very well write an article about porn without first watching it. I asked my horny male friends for suggestions, made some popcorn and settled in.

I realized that if someone’s sexual knowledge had relied solely on the information in pornography, they would have some very skewed opinions on the matter.

For instance…

Except for the hair on the very top of their heads, women are hairless creatures.

Without getting into an awkward discussion of my personal grooming habits, the general consensus seems to be keep it neat; keep it clean. Not hairless. And the feeling goes both ways.

Anal sex feels great!

I can’t give you my opinion on this (I’m a firm believer of ‘exit only’) but while men have a prostate—their version of the g-spot located in the anus—women don’t. And from the stories I’ve heard, it’s not that pleasant. And you can’t just shove it in there!

Lesbians like to get it on fully made up, hair teased and big fake nails ready to go.

Yes, I’ve watched lesbian porn. Correction: I watched straight porn that—surprise—included a girl-on-girl scene. Over 90% of “straight” porn includes some kind of lesbian scene. And those fake nails? I only need one Pap smear a year thank you, and I prefer the cotton swab to acrylic probing.

Women orgasm quickly, frequently and at the most opportune moments.

Seriously? According to research, women only reach orgasm through intercourse 25% of the time. The other 75% is up to you to decide. (Don’t worry, boys, we don’t always fake it because it’s bad.

Common reasons?

We could be tired or sore or sometimes you just look so eager to please that we don’t want to let you down). But, believe it or not, grabbing someone’s boob should not elicit a hip-thrusting climax.

Semen is great for the skin.

This one gets me. Apparently pulling out is the way to go, and ejaculating on a woman’s [insert body part here] is awesome and she loves it.

I asked around about the fascination, and the majority of men don’t have a burning desire to do it, and most women would be more than frustrated if a partner suddenly came all over them.

So remember: Porn is meant to be used recreationally, not educationally. And the real thing is always more exciting.