It’s taboo. It scares anyone who sleeps with women.
The Big O, faked to the nines, convincingly played. And we’ll never know how many times we’ve been duped.
According to a study done by Dr. Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Dr. Colin A. Hendrie of the University of Leeds, nearly 80% of straight women have faked an orgasm.
One sophomore, who wanted to remain anonymous, commented: “With my first boyfriend, I decided that I would never fake it. I’d rather my man know how to please me than think he’s been doing it right. So I didn’t. Turns out, there’s so much emotional frustration for men at that age. Who knew? I’ve faked it ever since, mostly just to get them off me before I get so utterly bored that the situation becomes more funny than sexy.”
And I doubt it’s only young adult men—anyone, even women who sleep with other women, could succumb to feeling like shit in the sack if they knew they weren’t satisfying their partners. The self-esteem of the sexually active male or female is inescapably wrapped up in the idea of cumming.
I had always been orgasm obsessed. For a long time, no orgasm meant failure. I mean, we’re regularly presented with the importance of making your partner cum—often not once, but multiple times! Just walk through a grocery store and count how many magazines tout messages about “having a bigger orgasm.”
For me though, everything began with the idea that women could be categorized as either clit-orgasmic girls or vagina-orgasmic girls. Holy hell, was I delusional. It turned out that women are beautifully, if not sometimes frustratingly, complex.
Some women want everything, and some need almost no work in order to explode. It’s just that you never know what kind of lady you’ve got on your hands. And with this complexity, comes frustration. According to reports following the work of sexologists Masters and Johnson, plenty of men had felt that they had failed in sex from a few occurrences of not being able to bring their partners to climax.
So, can women ever stick to a pact of never faking it?
Maybe, just maybe, men and women should stop being so afraid to voice their needs. But this is difficult.
If pornography is any indicator of our sexual models, then we’re doomed. In the five top-rated and most-watched videos on Pornhub.com, Redtube.com, and Porn.com, the female actors/participants never once instructed their partners on how to give them pleasure.
In fact, women feel such a pressure to cum nowadays that many report being unable to relax in order to make it happen. Orgasms are are activated by the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms us, not the sympathetic portion, which causes our fight-or-flight response. So, a lady needs to chill, feel good about herself, and be able to enjoy the ride in order to get to that finish line.
Then again, many women (and men) have said that they don’t feel that an orgasm should be a pinnacle of sexual activity. To be frank, some folks just like the experience of someone stroking their junk, regardless of the end result.
All in all, it comes down to communication and what you’re comfortable with. If you’re willing to feel frustrated, even potentially hurt, by a woman telling you that some of what you tried last night wasn’t her thing, go for it. If you listen, you’ll end up having amazing sex that benefits the both of you. This requires women speaking up and their partners urging them on to feel secure enough to straight up say what they need.