HE SAID: Silence
So, this week we are talking about music. Everyone loves music. I think that this is a fairly basic statement that is almost universally true, whether it be nice, smooth jazz, or perhaps a bit of heavy metal. Either way, music seems to be a part of most people’s lives. However, the question that both She and I would like to raise is whether or not music is a part of our sex lives.
The way I go about this topic is actually sort of amusing, so I am going to share… as if you expected less. Basically, when someone asks me about “mood music” I start thinking about the kind of sex that I would want to be having in reference to whatever song that happens to come up.
For instance, say you throw your iTunes on shuffle and you start going with your man or woman. The first song that comes on happens to be “Hedwig’s Theme” from Harry Potter. Now, considering you are already engaging in foreplay, you really don’t want to have to go over to your damn computer to change the song before your childhood is ruined forever.
That is, assuming you don’t have some weird fantasy involving those times where you know people got it on between the chapters, cough cough, Harry and Ginny, cough cough, Ron and Hermione, cough cough, Hagrid and Madame Maxime, cough – okay, that was too far, but isn’t that the point?
See this is what you run into when you just let the music go where it wants, and I am sure so many other terrible examples exist in that world of oh-shit-this-just-got-awkward-change-the-song-and-get-back-to-it.
Now, She will tell you to prepare a playlist to your liking, eliminating the random factor, but I think that just takes too much time. I don’t want to spend hours slaving over a nice, romantic opera playlist, to then get going and want to have a gritty tie-your-hands-to-the-bedposts S&M encounter. I recognize the fact that no playlist will ever really match the exact motivations and desires of any given sexual engagement. So, why try?
I would so much rather just let the sex speak for itself, or perhaps moan for itself, or scream for itself. Whatever floats the boat that you ride. That way, you aren’t pinned to the playlist, and you can flow from grit and grunge into the sensually sweet or any other preferences as they come to you and your partner in real time, satisfying every need that you need as you need it.
SHE SAID: Noise
So, He thinks that playing music in the background is unnecessary or counter-productive. I personally think that playing music whilst in the throes of passion – or, let’s face it, whilst banging triumphantly – adds a personal touch to the experience. Putting together a playlist of songs (which can be put on random!) says, “Hey, I thought about bumping uglies beforehand. I’m a nurturer-caregiver. Let’s do this!”
The method to my playlist madness is as such: when I hear a song in my iTunes that makes me think, “Hey, this would do a good job of cancelling out all the weird sex noises I do,” I add it to my “Sexyfuntime” playlist (which I can neither confirm nor deny is called that). Beyond just caring for my partner-of-the-moment, I think it shows me caring for my residence hall neighbors; they don’t want to know what I do or what who I’m with is doing. I know this because I don’t want to know what they’re doing either. So, since everyone knows everything about everyone on a small campus, I think it is only right that we at least can’t hear exactly what is going on next door. It’s polite.
And while I like music, and appreciate that putting these pre-selected songs on shuffle adds to the serendipity of the sexual experience, putting your entire music selection on random is admittedly bad. Then, next thing you know, “Happy Happy Joy Joy” from Ren & Stimpy comes on and you have some explaining to do.
But really, I think I might just be a music elitist. Maybe I just want someone to walk by and think, “Yeah, someone must be getting railed in there, but that song is tight!”
Now, as a parting gift to you, our faithful readers, I will share a playlist that hopefully you will find appropriate for just such an occasion. Remember, put it on shuffle and let the music help guide your experience!
1. Missile by IAMX: This has a controversial, sexually-charged music video for people who like that kind of thing. Although, the song has some great lyrics, for those that like to sing-along during the act.
2. WWIII by K.M.F.D.M.: The title is unusual, but not many German industrial bands would start a song with dueling banjos or GWB sound-bites either; trust me, it’s awesome.
3. Get It Up by Mindless Self Indulgence: So this is a song about sex that doesn’t try to hide it’s a song about sex not going well, but the beat is sweet.
4. French Fries w/ Pepper by Morphine: A little jazzier than the other songs on this list, but the late, great, Mark Sandman’s voice and lazy bass lines just hit all the right spots – especially with the sax.
5. Supermassive Black Hole by Muse: I think we all know this song has a really bizarre music video. But the bass is dirty and crunchy and when you see it played live – oh, baby. You have to have this song playing.
6. Closer by Nine Inch Nails: Okay, so this is a bit obvious. But it’s a classic for a reason. And that reason is that it’s so wrong it is right.
7. Tristan by Patrick Wolf: You’d think that a wispy Englishman with an acoustic instrument couldn’t sound so close to being venomous, but drum machines? They make great things happen.
8. Bionic by Placebo: I’m completely honest when I tell you that the majority of the lyrics are just the words, “Harder, faster.” It’s definitely meant for getting down.
9. I Turn My Camera On by Spoon: Please, don’t take the song title as a suggestion. Then things get messy.
10. Sex Bomb by Spinnerette: This rock song is great on the self-titled album by Spinnerette, but the ‘Adam Freeland Remix’ of the song (which can be found on iTunes) is a must listen. It deftly blends the hard rock and techno-club influences – which leads to better forking.
11. Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge: Really amazing live band. And their music just makes you want to do bad/good things to people that you find attractive. It’s just right.
And that’s what I want you guys to walk away with; when you are taking the step to have sex with someone, especially when it’s your first time with the person, don’t you want all the elements around you to be perfect? And that should apply to your taste in music. If you can’t agree on what you’ll listen to when you screw, what the fuck else are you supposed to agree on?