Too many times have I heard girl’s recall their hookup experiences with nothing but pain, disgust, and regret. Girls should never compare being fingered to things like a boxing match, or a bull in a rodeo, or even a horror movie. Never have I heard a hookup tale ending with “…and as his finger slid perfectly into my vagina, he looked into my eyes and we lived happily ever after.” Granted, this is probably out of a fairy tale porno, but the point still remains the same: why does this keep happening?
Well maybe it’s just the guy’s entire just fault, maybe they should be gentler, maybe they should try something else, or maybe, they just don’t know. People need to talk about it. Yes, sex. Is it good? Is it bad? Should I stick my entire fist inside of you? All of that good stuff.
It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it with someone once or for ten years, if you’re comfortable enough with taking off your clothes and sticking tab A into slot B so to speak, you should be comfortable enough to talk about it. To most people, sexual acts are generally very personal things and I would assume that they want to enjoy it. So why then if people are getting so personal with others, do they not communicate with the other person?
Yes he’s probably doing more damage to your vagina than a chainsaw, but if consistently answer, “yes”, to his “oh yeah, do you like that?” regardless of whether it’s said with a grimaced face, how is he going to know that you don’t actually like that. I mean, if you don’t tell him he’s going to continue to do it, over and over and over and over again. He may suffer a slight blow to the ego, but don’t worry, he will recover. And just think! Even if you’re not going to be hooking up with him again, think of the pain you’ll be saving the next girl.
I know this seems to be one-sided, but this isn’t a gendered specific phenomenon. Too many times have I heard the dreaded, horrifying word when I hear guy’s describing a blowjob experience: teeth. To some guys, there’s nothing more important to them than their dick, so having a chunk bitten out of it is not on their ‘top ten list of: things they want to happen to their penis’. But once again, this goes both ways. How is she supposed to know that you feel like your penis is going through a meat grinder if you don’t tell her?
Just think of how much pain and anguish you could save if you just take some time and talk to your partner about what they’re doing right, and especially what they’re doing wrong. This isn’t an insult to neither guys nor girls; in fact, it’s a plea for everyone to educate their partners. It’s just as much your job to teach them the ins and outs of your body as it is their job to listen. No one starts out as an expert in sex and you can’t assume that they’re going to know exactly what to do when the moment comes.
Unless given the proper guidance, your partner may go down a long, dark, painful road. So think, you’ll not only be doing yourself a favor, you’ll be saving your partner and every other person your partner may get down and dirty with from be involved in this awkward, painful situation.
Who knows, beyond helping to end these experiences, you may even find something new and adventurous to try leading up or during sex. This applies to all people of all sexual experience, preference, and orientation; everyone needs a guiding hand once in a while. And frankly, you should take responsibility for your own well-being. Stop being so polite to your partner and start being polite to yourself. Really, it’s simple and beneficial to both parties. Before, during, after; it doesn’t matter it’ll help everyone involved just, talk about it.