The Lighter Side of Campus Safety

Welcome to the re-birth (sorry to put a childbirth image in your head) of The Lighter Side (of Campus Safety). Each week I’ll be reporting on the unfortunate and, frankly, unintelligent behaviors of McDaniel Students that caused them to wind up on the official Campus Safety incident report. Special thanks to Mike Webster for meeting with me weekly to discuss the blotter and always offering me a cup of coffee.

I was shocked to see that there were violations of the campus alcohol policy over the last week. Along with the possession of a fake ID, a number of students under the age of 21 were cited for alcohol possession or consumption. If you’re looking for a fun way to spend a Friday night, try green tea or something, jeez. It’s much less risky and (hopefully) won’t inspire you to have a sing-along to your favorite Matchbox Twenty songs at 2 o’clock in the morning. If you’re thinking that this example is way too specific to be made up, you’re right. Furthermore, there was a violation described as disorderly conduct. Control yourselves, people.

There seems to be a lot of larceny going on lately. Lock your doors! But you all know the old saying: “The person most likely to slink into your room like the Grinch and steal all of your things is the guy you recently beat in Madden 25 and rubbed it in for 48 straight hours.”

Vandalism is a big one. I understand street art. I do. I know who Banksy is. I saw that movie. But seriously, just go over to the art building and see if they can offer you any materials. Not only that, my friend Cody works at Michael’s right here in Westminster, and he would be happy to help you pick out your favorite acrylic paints and the perfect canvas for that next visual masterpiece.

The number of people setting off smoke detectors in their kitchens is too damn high. Here are a few pointers on avoiding that:

  1. thoroughly defrost all meat before cooking on the stovetop
  2. cook on lower heat; slow-cooked meals always taste better anyway
  3. open a window
  4. only smoke cigarettes outside

Lastly, we had a report of drug paraphernalia here on campus. Brilliant.

Here’s to a week of as many or more citations despite being away for fall break; keep on keepin’ on, McDaniel.

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