Lighter Side of the Campus Safety Blotter

Fire extinguishers growing in popularity, despite a lack of fires

Katelynn McGinley

Staff Reporter

Hey there, my little Green Terrors. Remember when you were younger and you did something naughty and your parents would sit you down and have A Serious Talk with you? Well, McDaniel, we need to talk. Because some of these tricks you are pulling are kind of blowing my mind, and not necessarily in a good way – although color me impressed by the two brave souls that got picked up for running around on the roof of Decker. I won’t lie – that is kind of awesome.

Another story near and dear to my heart is the person who called Campus Safety on their roommate, who was using the oven to heat their apartment. Yeah, you know what? THE RESIDENCE HALLS ARE THAT FREAKING COLD. Turn the heat up, McDaniel, or people are going to get desperate. And then things might catch on fire and it would be a whole situation, and really, giving us a few extra degrees won’t hurt. I promise.

So, while those stories may get a free pass for the simple fact that I thought they were cool– the rest of you are on notice. We have windows smashed out of cars, brawling in the streets, twenty underage drinking citations from Westminster PD at an off campus party (we’re imagining that sad trek back to campus…talk about a walk of shame), four cases of harassment – guys, guys, where is the love? This is McDaniel, not WVU.

We also have to talk about the other shenanigans going on around campus. Some brilliant scholar ripped a handrail off a staircase in Hill Hall. Uh, unless the Hulk is a member of the freshman class, someone needs to think about refocusing their rage into something more productive. I hear Yoga is very soothing.

Oh, and we can’t forget about the college employee who was picked up for carrying an open container of booze around Decker, or the people who were caught smoking up and “publicly urinating” in Hoover library. Stay classy, McDaniel.

There are still far too many cases of tampering with fire extinguishers for my taste. Unless someone has discovered a new use for them other than extinguishing fires I don’t really see the need to break them out at parties. But, someone, seriously – tell me what you people are doing with these things. I’m curious.

And last but certainly not least is the special little flower that got stopped for drunk and reckless driving in North Village. Personally, I find those campus speed bumps difficult enough to handle while sober (especially the stupid ones in North Village that look like they’ve been purposefully camouflaged to NOT look like speed bumps…), but maybe this person thought she’d get lucky. Wrong-o. Look, drunk driving is never funny. You could get hurt. Other people could get hurt. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is. So be smart, and don’t do it.

There, there. Lecture’s over. Chin up, McDeezy – Mommy still loves you.

Stay safe, and stay entertaining.