The Lighter Side of Campus Safety

campussafety

Welcome back to yet another semester of petty theft, cooking-induced smoke alarms and inevitable drug possession. It’s The Lighter Side of Campus Safety, brought to you by me, Ben. Buckle up, McDaniel.

Since the beginning of the semester we have seen a number of underage alcohol possession incidents, in both Rouzer and Whiteford. It would appear that excessive rowdiness and the blasting of Drake, Miley and other sub-par pop artists can only go unnoticed for so long until the McDaniel authorities are called. There was also a report of underage drinking inside Decker College Center. Funny, you’d think the main building on campus would be totally safe to carry booze around…

Six different accounts of activated fire alarms have occurred in the last week-and-a-half, two of which were due to kitchen smoke. So most likely what happened was that setting off the remaining four fire alarms went something like this:

“Yo dude, you won’t pull that alarm and run away…”

“The heck I WON’T!”

A domestic, non-violent dispute was called for in Forlines about a week ago. Contrary to popular belief, screaming and shouting about your personal issues with housemates is not an acceptable conflict resolution technique.

A number of hilarious pranksters have been running rampant on campus vandalizing different buildings and structures. On two different days there were reports of vandalism in DMC, as well as in Rouzer and Whiteford.

A threat and harassment situation occurred in the Gill Center. Did a pickup basketball game get a little too physical? Maybe someone’s pizza from Vocelli’s was taking too long to cook so a disgruntled customer got all up in a worker’s face. The world may never know.

Keep up the good work, McDaniel, for my job depends on your misbehavior.