We call these people freaks, kinkballs, crazy. But everybody knows one. Apparently, chains and whips excite not only Rihanna. They rock our worlds right here on the Hill.
According to the Kinsey Institute, 5-10% of the U.S. engages in sadomasochism (SM) for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis. (That’s, holy leather chaps, equivalent to 184 people doing it right here at McDaniel).
However, from my informal and frantic attempt to get people to open up about their most intimate exploits, I think this is a gross underestimate. Nearly everyone who I spoke to had a “freak story.” And now I am humming “Freak-a-leak” while my feminism questions my choice in music.
For a long time, “kinky” sex was the boogeyman of sex. Even to this day, men, women and non-gendered individuals are scared to whisper to their significant others, “Honey… can you…tie me up in a pretzel-knot, find that handy-dandy cane that I’ve been hiding under my bed for the first eight months we’ve been dating, and beat me around a bit? Love you!”
Here’s some hard facts about playing hard: In a study conducted in 2006, researchers found that there were “no significant differences between Bondage, Dominance, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism (BDSM) practitioners and the general population on measures of psychopathology, depression, anxiety, OCD, and psychological sadism and masochism.”
And while there are going to be readers who are surprised by the fact that those who prefer Rocky Road ice cream-sex over Vanilla Bean-fucking are *gasp* NOT messed up, this shouldn’t be surprising. The marshmallows and nuts are exciting. The caramel is frustratingly sticky, but good.
When I was naïve, fresh, and new to world of such play, it was all shocking. I couldn’t believe that I had known people my entire life who had engaged in some pretty freaky shit. They came from different walks of life, were different kinds of people.
Safety words? Apparently you needed one. Not unlike in regular sex, several varieties of BDSM sexual play could be dangerous if taken too far. So, in proper play, a safety word is established to let partners know when it’s getting too rough. Some even use the internationally recognized traffic light system: green means continue, yellow is a warning, and red is an immediate call to end action. However, you’re free to make up your own (like “pineapple”). But you can’t use that one…it’s already claimed.
In commonly practiced sex, if you want someone to stop or change what they’re doing, you’re left with screaming some version of “no” that might go ignored or trying to hint politely that you don’t want your nipple gnawed off. A “no,” especially in our culture, could easily be misunderstood to mean “more.” It would be so much easier to say, “yellow,” every time the angle was just not to your liking. With BDSM, there are rules that everyone expects to be followed. I wish regular sex was this simple.
And while several of the stories shared with me in confidence, cataloged in the list, are not BDSM-type activity, there should still be a tolerance, if not an acceptance, for those who are brave enough to admit to what gets them going. Except the vampires role play. Seriously, guys? I’m imagining people playing Twilight and screaming, “Turn me, Edward, turn me!
So kinkballs, be safe, get consent, and go and get thy gigantic freak on.
clearly didn’t interview enough of the school population, or in the right setting. MCD has SM people. Go track them down Free Press.
interesting point – we non-BDSMers should consider how logical the stoplight system is before condemning the whole practice as weird.
Actually, "anonymous S&Mer" I believe she did plenty of research. Coming forward about your sexual preferences was all voluntary and confidential. If you didn't chose to step forward don't hate on people who did. I have read this writer's work before and I can tell you that she does, in fact, research more than anyone in the whole Free Press. Plus, there's this thing called an "editor" that may or may not like the sexual preferences of said MCD campus. The person writing has no control over that.
The whole point of this article is that S&M is on McDaniel's campus. Read the article thoroughly. We're not going to track these people down.
*Knock knock* "It's campus safety, we're just trying to see if you're on of those sad folks. We're going to search under you bed for whips and chains."
Um…no. That shit doesn't happen. Not many S&M folks in Carroll County want to admit to like being tied up and humiliated for sexual pleasure. Sorry, doesn't happen often. Those that DID come forward for research is what the article is based off of. (Also, they are confidential). That and S&M research.
No need for insults. "Yellow". Hah, wtf? Be mature.
Actually, “anonymous S&Mer” I believe she did plenty of research. Coming forward about your sexual preferences was all voluntary and confidential. If you didn’t chose to step forward don’t hate on people who did. I have read this writer’s work before and I can tell you that she does, in fact, research more than anyone in the whole Free Press. Plus, there’s this thing called an “editor” that may or may not like the sexual preferences of said MCD campus. The person writing has no control over that.
The whole point of this article is that S&M is on McDaniel’s campus. Read the article thoroughly. We’re not going to track these people down.
*Knock knock* “It’s campus safety, we’re just trying to see if you’re on of those sad folks. We’re going to search under you bed for whips and chains.”
Um…no. That shit doesn’t happen. Not many S&M folks in Carroll County want to admit to like being tied up and humiliated for sexual pleasure. Sorry, doesn’t happen often. Those that DID come forward for research is what the article is based off of. (Also, they are confidential). That and S&M research.
No need for insults. “Yellow”. Hah, wtf? Be mature.
“Penguin” was the word of choice with my most recent ex. we tried to pick something that sounded unlike any word we might so happen to mutter in the throws of passion, and penguin fit the bill! [get it, because they’re birds… with bills] i have a gut feeling that people who are into hard play tend to have safer sex practices in general, just because the most important things are honesty, trust, and communication.
Vanilla lovers, have your fun… but watch your BACK. i may be coming at it with a paddle… <3 great article, debunking Western MD mores.
Thanks for reading guys and girls! This was a fun topic.
As for the person who wrote the comment under the name "Yellow," I did do a good amount of interviewing. I had thirteen responses, ten of which came from on-campus residents. However, nobody wanted to have their name in this article, understandably. Also, this whole article is about how S&M IS practiced at McDaniel, so I don't understand your complaint.
DGY- "Penguin"….lmao. Yes! Brilliant
dislike!
Agree! secretly, they are crying in the corner embarrassed with themselves not the school. Great ARTICLE!
Forgot one thing, Mcd, you failed to mention exactly what is disgusting? it might be helpful to include your reasoning; otherwise, is just a statement fueled with, anger, emotion. So, before disregarding others perspectives it always helpful to understand that 1. The writer never, once, said that her views are the best. It was simply offering an idea. 2. What dictates sex not being able to be talked about on campus? 3. McDaniel does endorse the free press. Lastly, I offer that you may be disagreeing because that is what you feel comfortable with, it so sad that one has feel so suppressed sexually…I say go get your F*** on because chains and whips EXCITE ME!
Umm, welcome to the real world. The author never claims to be an expert on this or any other sexual topic. She also never claims to have "thought up" this stuff. She is discussing a perfectly legitimate population, one that is perfectly relevant to college students. No one is being forced to approve or agree with it, your reaction is your choice. However who are you to judge? Your assessment of the article is the embarrassment, not the article itself. If you don't want to read this piece, you are not being forced to.
Love the article, going new places that were considered forbidden to even talk about or just plain awkward. Well done!