Day 1, 0430 hrs: The plague has hit McDaniel (by plague we mean food poisoning, or similar). Popular opinion has narrowed the cause down to three possible sources: 1) McDaniel Squirrels, 2) Glar, 3) the McDaniel Squirrels they served for lunch in Glar. Residence hall bathrooms are now being affectionately referred to as Green Terrors.
Day 1, 0930 hrs: The term “Glarocalypse” has been coined, probably by Zach Royal. “Students hit” estimates are ranging in the ballpark of “like, half of campus.” It remains to be seen whether or not attendance at tomorrow’s Chicken Tender Thursday will be affected.
In all seriousness I hope everyone who is “hit” follows all the basic health advice everyone and their third cousin has now posted. Hydrate, wash your hands and for the love of all things good and holy let’s all fill out the sodexo survey. Get well soon, friends.