The Lighter Side of Campus Safety

I have to say, I’m a little let down, McDaniel. I mean, it was Homecoming this past weekend, and this week had one of the smallest incident reports in a long time. What gives?

It looks like the thing to do this weekend was get caught with illegal drugs, because there were several reports of students in possession of substances or paraphernalia stretching all across campus. Various dormitories as well as the Gardens Apartments were sites where this rampant mischief went down, but none as brilliant as getting caught out on the various sports fields. You know, with all of those things to hide behind and be completely unseen by authorities.

Someone under the age of 21 got caught in the Rouzer parking lot with some alcohol, probably trying to smuggle it into the building like a mule.

Did you know that there is a distinct difference between theft and burglary? I did not. Until today, that is. So apparently theft is what it’s called when you leave your laptop or your wallet or your coffee mug on a table in Glar or at a desk in the library or something and someone comes by and steals it. Burglary, however, is the name of the action that involves one entering a place of residence or some building with the intention of stealing something and thus breaking the law. Burglary is also a felony, as opposed to theft being a misdemeanor. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that someone burgled the Admissions building. Lord knows why, but it happened. I haven’t been in there since my Senior year of High School when I toured McDaniel, but all I remember is fancy dishware, some artwork and lots and lots of brochures, so I’m still puzzled on why this building was the target this past week.

Attention students who are always downloading music and movies via the campus internet: the school knows. IT can see everything you do. I mean, you log in using your own username and password, for goodness sake. Some lucky student will be visiting the Honor and Conduct Board soon for filesharing and therefore breaking the internet agreement. I know you’re all dying to see World War Z and tell all of your friends how cool Brad Pitt was, but just go to RedBox or something.

You guys ready for this one? I hope you’re sitting down. There was a report of a decency offense in the library. Yes, that is correct: a report of indecent exposure in the Hoover Library. I’m not going to bother coming up with a joke for that one because it basically does that itself.

Peace be with you, folks.