Lighter Side of Campus Safety: Week of October 26

In the shadow of Homecoming it seems that you guys have calmed down just a little bit. However, I’m not too worried, because I know Halloween is coming up, and the only thing better than public urination is public urination by a guy in an overpriced pirate costume that shows off his beer gut. So without further ado, this one’s for you Captain Kegstand, hope you enjoy your holiday.

First off, North Village may have partied a bit too hard lately, because there were eight counts of possession of hard liquor reported there, along with one in Rouzer. Now, I know it’s in vogue right now to lambast the freshman, and trust me, there will be plenty of that, but remember folks, bottles of liquor and stones have the same effect on glass houses.

There was also one case of alcohol under 21 in North Village, so ok at least one underclassman gets blamed.

There were two false alarms for cooking smoke in North Village and one for Penn Ave, which at this point comes as no surprise to anyone. But it raises the question of whether the burnt food would still be better than weekend Glar; personally I would say that one’s pretty debatable.

From alarms to actual fires, there was a fire at the gazebo. Due to “unintentional open flames,” apparently. Now, I understand that people on campus still smoke and that’s their prerogative, but if you’re going to smoke, please don’t start fires doing it. Especially at the gazebo, we need that for staged admissions photos.

There was a case of larceny in the Decker Student Center, which is somewhat justified I suppose. Textbooks are expensive, though if you’re stealing one this late in the semester I think you might have gotten a little too spooked by your midterm grades. Maybe just bum one off a classmate like the rest of us, it’s basically stealing but it’s legal and socially acceptable!

Lastly, we have a more serious note. There were cases of harassment via phone and mail, stalking, and trespassing this week. We’re all adults here, and so let’s all grow up and act like them; we can have our fun, and certainly please continue to do stupid things to keep me in this job, but realize there’s a difference between getting drunk and acting like a fool and legitimately having a negative impact on someone’s life. One is arguably a part of growing up, and the other is proof that you need to grow up.

On that more somber note, I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what debauchery you all get up to this weekend, and hope you’ll keep it as classy as one can on a holiday that spawned sexy Osama bin Laden costumes. Happy Halloween everyone!