Maryland legislative session in review
After a busy legislative session unlike any one we’ve ever seen, defined by key moments in video calls, resonation between attendees in private online chats, and hearings from our living…
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COVID-19 clinic on campus & vaccine frequently asked questions
“Fall 2021 is going to look much more like the fall of 2019 than it did 2020,” said David Lakey, vice chancellor for health affairs and chief medical officer at…
College offers support in a gathering following Chauvin verdict
On Tuesday, April 20, at around 2:30 p.m., it was announced that the jury on the Derek Chauvin trial had reached a consensus. In anticipation of the results of the…
My girlfriend doesn’t kiss me anymore? These quick tips might fix my relationship
Many single people across the world are always looking for advice on how to get to a first date, how to woo the person they love, and how to find…
Father snaps when four-year-old son can’t remember what comes after twelve
Only three days into his weekend with the kids, local father and anger management counselor Robert Bisset has already reached his breaking point, says eyewitness accounts. After spending a whole…
Roger Casey resigns with Spongebob Squarepants “Ight imma head Out” meme
A small number of students received an email on September 23 from President Casey containing a single image of the popular Nickelodeon character Spongebob Squarepants rising from his seat with…
Fraternity employs revolutionary “passive aggressive hazing”
In response to university crackdowns on fraternity hazing, local fraternity Alpha Kappa Psi has begun to employ “passive aggressive hazing” techniques, said fraternity president TJ Valentino. “Yeah, the college getting…
Controversial lobster in hot water again
Moments before his departure onto a discounted plate at LongHard Steakhome, I had a couple of moments to report on the final words of Loeb Leopold the lobster, his full…
Good enough for me: headline scorer gives this a 68
The WordPress update introduced a headline analyzer. It specifies that a good score is between 40 and 60. And to be the best, which seems a little bit unnecessary for…
A vibe-centered approach to dating
With college students, dating is all the same— apps, hookups, and booty calls. It’s like we’ve forgotten what really matters: vibing. Luckily, we found the expert: Dr. B. Ong. Not…
Corbit’s Charge: A look into the not-so-well-known Civil War battle fought right on this campus
So you may be wondering, “What is Corbit’s Charge?” Well, here is a look into the not-so-well known Civil War battle fought right on this very campus! Even though we…
McDaniel student gets dog, loses personality
OPINION: The Green Terror Mascot is Operated By A Legion of Evil Squirrels
Every college swears they’ve just got the quirkiest little squirrels. On any tour on any campus where there are squirrels, a preppy guide will be sure to mention how these…
Fast-food thinking slow: food items that just don’t belong
Countless fast food restaurants continue to push food items that no one asked for. Let’s start here. Chick-fil-A’s wrap has no place on the menu because literally nobody orders it….
BREAKING: The tent outside of Gill Center has blown away
On March 31 in the late hours of the evening, the white tent located next to Gill Center allegedly blew away. An extremely strong gust of wind picked up the…
Free Press writer doesn’t want to write about COVID-19, afraid it would date the article
Free Press Journalist, Max Engle, declared in a staff meeting earlier this week that he “doesn’t want to write about COVID-19” and he is afraid it will “make the paper unappealing to…
Thank you! Student whose head literally burst into flames after thirteen hour study session gets a reading of 97.5 degrees from the no-contact thermometer outside of Glar
Earlier this week, a student whose head caught fire after studying for thirteen hours straight got a reading of 97.5 degrees from the no-contact thermometer outside of Englar Dining Hall….
Ambitious student filmmaker opens short film with shot of alarm clock
Sophomore film student Chet Abrams made history this week after writing, directing and starring in a short film that opens with a shot of an alarm clock. Abrams says the…
Those meddling Free Press reporters sent to Budapest for a semester to give administration “a break”
Semester after semester, the Free Press staff has criticized the decisions of the Administration and asked for more and more communication. But no longer! The Administration has sent the entire…
Campus safety to enforce COVID-19 surveillance testing
It was a day that started like any other. I woke up at 11 a.m., shared a maskless meal with my friends from across campus over a lukewarm, Glar meal…