Lighter Side of Campus Safety: January 2016

A new year and a new semester have begun at McDaniel, and it is clear that the student body intends not to disappoint. Indeed, since the beginning of the year, you’ve given me innumerable gifts with your debauched actions and transgressions. So without further ado, welcome back, and let’s get down to business.

First off, whoever decided to take a leak in the Rouzer Parking lot, I offer you my thanks; I haven’t seen many public urinations incidents in the log recently, and that’s been upsetting, mostly because these jokes write themselves. Then again, I can’t blame you, given that I too would rather use the Rouzer parking lot than a Rouzer bathroom.

Rouzer parking lot was also quite a hotspot for alcohol related incidents, with one case of furnishing alcohol to a minor, and one of alcohol in an alcohol free zone (apparently parking lots are alcohol free zones? Your guess is as good as mine).

However, you all weren’t content to just drink in parking lots, oh no, you decided it was time to hit the gym too. And given that in this case it was alcohol in alcohol free, possession under 21 and alcohol hard liquor, clearly someone was having bit too much fun while feeling the burn.

There were also two counts of assault with hands and feet in North Village, proving that Fight Club might still be a cultural touchstone among McDaniel students. Which makes sense, given that, walking into the Bursar’s office, you could be forgiven for thinking it was still 1999.

Speaking of faulty technology, there were plenty of false alarms on campus as well. There was an electrical failure off campus, two cooking based false alarms in North Village, one accidental in Elderdice, and one mysterious “other” in Elderdice, along with two cases of Malicious destruction of property. So perhaps less mysterious.

On the drug front, there was one case of possession of a controlled dangerous substance in Blanche, which was surprising. Blanche is a decent place to live, save all the drugs for the poor folks in McDaniel and Rouzer guys. Write it off on your taxes as charity or something; tell your dealer he can do the same.

Lastly, there was one case of larceny off campus, and three cases of harassment in Gardens. As for the larceny, don’t steal things. I know this was very likely not a McDaniel student but, come on, don’t steal things. There’s only one proper form of robbery on campus and it’s called the Green and Go.

As for the harassment? This isn’t high school anymore, as much as it seems that way. Chill.