McDaniel basketball headed to March Madness
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Many people don’t know this, but the assistant coach for Saint…
The Funion
McDaniel College transitioning to assigned parking for the 2022-2023 academic year
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] On March 4, McDaniel College finalized their decision to assign all…
My girlfriend doesn’t kiss me anymore? These quick tips might fix my relationship
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Many single people across the world are always looking for advice…
Father snaps when four-year-old son can’t remember what comes after twelve
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Only three days into his weekend with the kids, local father…
Roger Casey resigns with Spongebob Squarepants “Ight imma head Out” meme
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] A small number of students received an email on September 23…
Fraternity employs revolutionary “passive aggressive hazing”
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] In response to university crackdowns on fraternity hazing, local fraternity Alpha…
Controversial lobster in hot water again
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Moments before his departure onto a discounted plate at LongHard Steakhome,…
Good enough for me: headline scorer gives this a 68
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] The WordPress update introduced a headline analyzer. It specifies that a…
A vibe-centered approach to dating
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] With college students, dating is all the same— apps, hookups, and…
Corbit’s Charge: A look into the not-so-well-known Civil War battle fought right on this campus
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] So you may be wondering, “What is Corbit’s Charge?” Well, here…
McDaniel student gets dog, loses personality
OPINION: The Green Terror Mascot is Operated By A Legion of Evil Squirrels
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Every college swears they’ve just got the quirkiest little squirrels. On…
Fast-food thinking slow: food items that just don’t belong
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Countless fast food restaurants continue to push food items that no…
BREAKING: The tent outside of Gill Center has blown away
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] On March 31 in the late hours of the evening, the…
Free Press writer doesn’t want to write about COVID-19, afraid it would date the article
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Free Press Journalist, Max Engle, declared in a staff meeting earlier…
Thank you! Student whose head literally burst into flames after thirteen hour study session gets a reading of 97.5 degrees from the no-contact thermometer outside of Glar
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Earlier this week, a student whose head caught fire after studying…
Ambitious student filmmaker opens short film with shot of alarm clock
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Sophomore film student Chet Abrams made history this week after writing,…
Those meddling Free Press reporters sent to Budapest for a semester to give administration “a break”
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] Semester after semester, the Free Press staff has criticized the decisions…
Campus safety to enforce COVID-19 surveillance testing
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] It was a day that started like any other. I woke…
Quarantined student interviewed at the grocery store
[Disclaimer: This article was originally published on April Fools’ Day, and it should not be interpreted as factual reporting.] McDaniel student was seen in the yogurt aisle of Safeway and…