Is The Green Terror Doing Enough to Protect This City?
The Green Terror wears a mask. His identity is a secret. And his abs are so, so beautiful. You know who else wears a mask, hides their identity, and has…
The Funion
Free Press Writer is Sleepy
Earlier this week, students were shocked to honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo… honk mimimimimi honk…
McDaniel College Adds New Controversial “Frat Boy” Administrative Role
Hey guys, what’s going on? My name’s Kyle, you probably know me from Alpha Sugma Sugma, the only good frat on campus! Heheh, yeah! GO SUGS! Anyway, I was asked…
Letter to the editor: Ditch AP style already
As your fabulous (and sexy) editor-in-chief over the past two years, I have had my fair share of exposure to Associated Press style, more commonly known as AP Style. Workshops….
McHoroscopes: Whats in store for April?
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Don’t go to Glar today, bestie. The stars told me it won’t end well. Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Inner peace isn’t everything….
McDaniel Speedrunners–– a new club for students looking to complete every offered major in under four years
Everyone knows that McDaniel is the perfect place to double or even triple major in whatever your heart desires. You want to master American Sign Language and Physics? Go for…
School on a Decline: McDaniel Buildings Begin Sliding Downhill
Not feeling as winded as you walk up the hill? Is traveling to class easier on your knees now? Recent reports from the president’s office confirm that McDaniel’s students are…
OPINION: McDaniel College Should Do an Online Semester in 2023, Just For Fun!
I live just off campus, on Pennsylvania Avenue, and I haven’t known peace since students came back from quarantine. I understand that it was a global pandemic, and everyone was…
Theater Ghosts Displeased with Sherlock! Musical
McDaniel College’s recent performance of Sherlock! The Musical, while generally well received by audiences, has evidently left the ghosts that haunt Alumni Hall saying “boo.” Following a production troubled by…
Prospective Professor Probably Named Paul
As the 2021-2022 academic year ends, McDaniel’s various departments are in the process of hiring new professors, and one is probably named Paul. “There is something about Pauls and becoming…
Auntie Anne’s Pretzel Truck Line Extends into Texas
Who doesn’t love a good pretzel? McDaniel College solidified itself as the college for pretzel fanatics nationwide last semester as the line for the Auntie Anne’s Pretzel truck reached all…
Meet the New Editor-In-Chief: Bowie P. Cat
As the Free Press’ current editor-in-chief, Ciara O’Brien, will be graduating at the conclusion of this school year, the remaining staff has been on the search for a successor. After…
McDaniel Unveils “Big Honkin’ M” on Water Tower
Students at McDaniel College were delighted to return from winter break to a greatly-anticipated change: at long last, there is now a Big Honkin’ M on the water tower. The…
Psychology Department Finds Majority of McDaniel’s Stuffed Animals Want to Go Home
A shocking new study released on Tuesday by students in McDaniel College’s Psychology Department found that nearly 73 percent of McDaniel’s stuffed animals would prefer to be “left at home”…
McDaniel basketball headed to March Madness
Many people don’t know this, but the assistant coach for Saint Peters University, Ryan Whalen’s cousin, is the head coach of McDaniel’s basketball team, Kevin Curley. People didn’t know nor…
McDaniel College transitioning to assigned parking for the 2022-2023 academic year
On March 4, McDaniel College finalized their decision to assign all student drivers a dedicated parking spot beginning in the 2022 Fall semester. Due to an increase in parking-related accidents,…
My girlfriend doesn’t kiss me anymore? These quick tips might fix my relationship
Many single people across the world are always looking for advice on how to get to a first date, how to woo the person they love, and how to find…
Father snaps when four-year-old son can’t remember what comes after twelve
Only three days into his weekend with the kids, local father and anger management counselor Robert Bisset has already reached his breaking point, says eyewitness accounts. After spending a whole…
Roger Casey resigns with Spongebob Squarepants “Ight imma head Out” meme
A small number of students received an email on September 23 from President Casey containing a single image of the popular Nickelodeon character Spongebob Squarepants rising from his seat with…
Fraternity employs revolutionary “passive aggressive hazing”
In response to university crackdowns on fraternity hazing, local fraternity Alpha Kappa Psi has begun to employ “passive aggressive hazing” techniques, said fraternity president TJ Valentino. “Yeah, the college getting…