Work on new student center halted as workers begin to speak in tongues
Renovations on the McDaniel Decker College Center have been brought to an immediate halt today as its workers began to speak in new and unknown languages. The work to remodel…
The Funion
PSU petitions to punch the sun
In bright, UV light of recent concerns regarding climate change and the fight for individualism, the Progressive Student Union (PSU) of McDaniel College has directed attention to the biggest culprit…
Student still late for class, despite no longer needing to leave bed
“I had it down to an exact science,” said Rebecca Brandon, class of 2022, on her 8 a.m. English class with Roger Finch, PhD. “I would wake up at 7:30,…
Online classes to be taught through Animal Crossing: New Horizons
With McDaniel College switching to online classes for the rest of the semester, professors have been finding creative solutions to keep their students connected and engaged. One biology professor, Thomas…
President Casey cites Free Press articles in email announcements, speeches, personal conversations
Since October 2018, the Free Press has published several articles surrounding the recent academic restructuring announcement and the process that led to the changes. President Casey, on multiple occasions, has…
McHoroscopes: Daily doses
Aries (March 21-April 19): Today will be many things for you. Painless and blood-free are not some of those things. Taurus (April 20-May 20): You really overreacted with that spider yesterday,…
Student complains about assignment, had ample time to finish it over break
Remy Travers, a sophomore political science major, has a 15-page research paper due tomorrow, and he needs everyone to know that. “I’m very busy,” he said, when asked about how…
Lean mean grilling machine promoter George Foreman announced as College grill master
AVI Foodsystems announced over Spring Break that the grill station in Englar Dining Hall would now be operated by George Foreman, former heavyweight boxer and lean mean grilling machine promoter….
McDaniel student practices necromancy; accidentally revives old Green Terror mascot
On a cold March morning, about the time when the sun rises and procrastinating students promise themselves they’ll “just take a ten minute nap before starting that paper,” one McDaniel…
Local squirrel rallies cicadas under banner to terrorize campus
It’s no secret that McDaniel is home to an abundance of squirrels. They’ve managed to coexist peacefully—for the most part—with students for more than a century, occasionally earning degrees and…
Bustling job fair attracts McDaniel professors
The Forum was filled to capacity last week at McDaniel’s spring job fair, which recruiters say not only drew students, but their professors. Teddy “Ted” Edwards of Random House was surprised…
College turns to necromancy to collect debt from dead students
In the face of recent budgeting problems, McDaniel has begun looking into a number of unorthodox methods of gathering funding. After selling squirrel hunting licenses and harvesting student kidneys failed…
McDaniel’s sports teams receive more funding
McDaniel College has taken its new profits and decided to spread the wealth back to the sport teams on the Hill. “We realized that it’s nearly been a whole year…
Feed me, Seymour: College to cut more programs
McDaniel College has announced that still more majors will be suspended. In addition to the departments that have been cut, it has been announced that majors in the kinesiology, psychology,…
SGA does something right, entire world in disbelief
In an unprecedented shift in campus culture, the Student Government Association has done something that anyone might deem to be the right thing to do. That something, according to one…
Senior suspected to actually be two first-year students in a trench coat
At first glance, McDaniel senior Jacob Smith appears to be like any other senior. He majored in business due to pressure from his father and toed the line of being…
There’s a big rat in the Free Press office
April 1 was meant to be a normal day in the office. Wake up, write out some drafts, edit some things, the usual work. But the hapless author of this…
McHoroscopes: Your sign and your new major
Spring is a time for change, and some people may be finding that their current major just doesn’t suit them any more. Some underclassmen may not yet have a major…
McDaniel introduces new housing for anti-vax students
The College has announced it will open a new block of housing specifically for unvaccinated students. This new housing decision comes in an attempt to create a campus inclusive to…
IT mandates new password requirements
The McDaniel IT Department has announced via email to students and faculty a new, stricter set of system password requirements. The new requirements will take effect as soon as the wifi…