McPorn: The New Hoover Library Sessions
Almost all of us have watched porn – that is a fact. Most of the internet is porn, and that is a pretty fun fact. But with the over-saturation of…
The Funion
McDaniel Introduces “Name Change Complaint” Fine
McDaniel College has unveiled its newest fundraising program, with high hopes that it will fund several key projects on campus. This new “name change complaint fine,” aims to monetize the…
Sex, Alcohol, and Pornography Banned from McDaniel
McDaniel’s hard-fought war on sex, alcohol, and pornography finally came to a close Monday. After eight months of bureaucracy and almost violent protests, McDaniel put its foot down and banned…
McDaniel Student Suspended for Standing Firm in His Beliefs
Last week, sophomore Wallace Carbuncle was unfortunately suspended by the honor board of McDaniel College over a matter pertaining to a brief argument. While Carbuncle was well-loved around campus and…
Exam Triggers Fight or Flight Instinct in Students
March 9 was a dark day. Ominous clouds collected, the Earth began to rumble, and students in Professor Jack Bosflair’s principles of chaos class braced themselves for what was to…
President Casey Denounces Free Press as Fake News
President Roger Casey of McDaniel College has declared the Free Press a publisher of fake news. The announcement came in the wee hours of the morning last Saturday and was…
Plan to Capture Squirrels Backfires
Squirrels are a common sight at McDaniel College: clandestinely rustling in the ivy patches outside of Hill Hall, sipping from the fountain in plain view of Physical Plant workers, fearlessly…
Student Falls Asleep on Toilet
On the miserable morning of March 5, rumbling down the hallway gave way to rumbling in an ANW bathroom as student Maloustabia Grioy dealt with what some suspect was the…
Blue is the New Green?
In a shocking twist of events, after beloved therapy dog Blue goes on a spree of mischievous antics, he receives the title of new McDaniel Mascot. Introducing: the McDaniel Blue…
Rice Gallery Puts on Exhibit of Free Press’ Beloved Sports Editor, Atticus Rice
The newest installation in McDaniel College’s Rice Gallery, entitled “Grains of Rice,” celebrates the life of current McDaniel student and Free Press Sports Editor Atticus Rice. Born in Oregon in…
Photo Essay: Campus Eyesores
Student Begins Collecting Minors, Becomes a Self-designed Major
“One of the beauties about liberal arts education is the fact you can easily minor in whatever you feel like. If you really push yourself, like I did, you can…
McDaniel Introduces Undead Education Rights
In a surprising move earlier this month, McDaniel College made the bold decision to begin allowing the undead to return to the classroom. Because even dead people need a decent…
Students Create Cult to Lower Tuition
With rising tuition costs, students have begun to enact drastic measures to pay for a degree that might not get them very far. FAFSA has stopped providing aid to McDaniel…
Student Discovers Possible Unicorn Horn on Campus
The McDaniel College community has been divided by tensions due to a recent discovery made by junior Natalie Hughes. On Friday March 17, 2017 Hughes discovered what some believe to be…
Student Switches Seat After Semester is Half Over
On Monday, freshman Mark Reynolds made the decision to sit at a different desk for his 9:10 Spanish class, shocking his 20 classmates. This sudden move was precipitated after intense contemplation…
Sodexo to Offer New Theme Nights This Spring
In an effort to offer a wider variety of their somewhat popular theme nights, Sodexo dining services has announced a lineup of new, never-before-offered theme nights to be featured in…
In Mix-Up of Unprecedented Proportions, Student Athlete Presents on Supply-Side Economics at Centennial Conference, Runs 400 Meters at Maryland Honors Conference
McDaniel student-athlete and honors student Pete Pandowski is able to run so fast, it’s almost as if he can fly. However, Pandowski took a hard fall this past weekend as he…
An Interview With One of McDaniel’s Highest Earning Alumni, XXXNoScopeBeast1993XXX
McDaniel College has a number of notable alumni, including news anchor Thomas Roberts and Pennsylvania Representative Bill Goodling. But one of its most successful and highest earning alumni cannot be…
Wealthy Students Humbled by Living in McDaniel Hall
A new wave of housing woes has fallen upon select residents of McDaniel Hall. Students hailing from wealthy backgrounds have found it hard to live in the residence hall, saying…